Ask Gigi
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Welcome to Ask Gigi, a column where psychosexual therapist, Gigi
Engle, answers your most intimate questions and explores a range of
sexual health topics. .
And what if your partner’s fantasy isn’t about you? What does it mean?
Your partner’s sexual fantasies can bring up unexpected insecurities, especially when they involve things you don’t share. Discover why fantasy doesn’t always reflect real-life desire, and how to make space for your partner’s erotic imagination without questioning your own worth.
Why pleasure denial can feel so good
Why can being denied an orgasm be so arousing? From Locktober and chastity to orgasm denial and power exchange, we explore the psychology of anticipation, why surrendering control can be so pleasurable, and how to experiment with pleasure denial safely.
How to build a sexual relationship with yourself
Your relationship with your own sexuality might be the most important one you have. Here’s why developing erotic autonomy, getting to know your body and staying connected to your own desire matters, whether you’re single or partnered.
Why we protect ourselves from the love we actually want
We often protect ourselves from the very love and connection we crave. When wanting someone makes us feel vulnerable, we may pull away, minimize our feelings, or convince ourselves we don't care. But what happens when the fear of heartbreak starts getting in the way of the intimacy we want? A thoughtful exploration of desire, emotional self-protection, and learning to let ourselves be seen.
How to deal with sexual rejection
Sexual rejection can sting, but it doesn’t have to become a relationship crisis. Here’s how to handle rejection without spiralling, taking it personally, or putting pressure on your partner. Plus, practical tips for navigating it with confidence and care.
We need to talk about STIs and Stigma
An STI is a health issue, full stop. It doesn't say anything about your character, your values, or how "responsible" you are. People contract STIs in all kinds of circumstances and in all kinds of relationship configurations. An STI diagnosis tells you that an infection is present. It doesn't tell you anything about someone's character.
Your fantasy might not be about the fantasy at all.
What if your fantasy isn't actually about the scenario? From power and surrender to taboo and desire, here's why the feeling underneath your fantasy might reveal more than the fantasy itself.
The sexiest sentence in the English language
What if the sexiest thing you could say in bed wasn't "yes," but "actually... can we do something else?" Our desires, fantasies, and boundaries aren't meant to stay the same forever. Here's why changing your mind is one of the clearest signs of trust, honesty, and a healthy sexual relationship.
The Orgasm Gap isn’t a mystery so why is it still a problem?
We still treat penis-in-vagina intercourse as the main event and everything else as the opening act. Even the word foreplay suggests these activities are simply the warm-up before the “real thing.” But for many women and AFAB folx, the so-called warm-up is where the majority of pleasure actually happens.
5 Orgasm Facts Everyone Should Know
Orgasms are fascinating, unpredictable, and far more complex than most of us were ever taught. Here are five fun facts that might just change the way you think about the big O.
Red flats to look out for in D/s dynamics
Not everyone who calls themselves a Dominant understands ethical power exchange. Here's how to spot the warning signs and find partners who prioritize consent, communication, and care.
The myth of the perfectly secure polyamorous person
The internet loves the idea of the perfectly evolved polyamorous person: endlessly secure, never jealous, always calm. But real relationships are much more complicated. Let’s unpack why jealousy, insecurity, and the need for reassurance don’t mean you’re “bad” at non-monogamy, and how attachment theory can help us navigate those feelings with more curiosity and care.
Is it chemistry or attachement anxiety?
Have we confused emotional intensity with chemistry? This week, we're exploring why uncertainty can feel intoxicating, how anxiety gets mistaken for attraction, and what healthy chemistry actually looks like.
Why do I keep losing attraction in IRL relationships?
Why does attraction seem to disappear once a relationship becomes familiar? Exploring the difference between stimulation and desire, and what modern dating, porn, social media, and endless novelty might be teaching our brains about attraction.
Let's talk about ear play (and why some people can't get enough of it)
Can an ear really be an erogenous zone? We explore the science, psychology, and appeal of ear play, plus tips for trying it yourself.
Where do kinks and fetishes come from?
Why are we turned on by the things we're turned on by? It's one of the most common, and often most anxiety-provoking, questions people bring to sex therapy. In this article, we explore what research can and can't tell us about the origins of kink, why there is rarely a single explanation for our desires, and how approaching sexuality with curiosity rather than shame can open the door to greater self-understanding and self-acceptance.
What is a brat in BDSM?
Not all submissives are obedient. Some prefer to challenge authority, push boundaries, and keep their partners on their toes. Explore the playful psychology behind brat dynamics, what makes them so appealing, and how this unique form of power exchange actually works.
What queer kink communities do differently (and what we can learn)
Queer BDSM communities have long offered thoughtful frameworks for communication, consent, care, and the power of collaboration. This blog explores what queer kink spaces can teach us about intimacy, relational literacy, and building erotic connections with more intentionality and honesty.
What’s the difference between degradation kink and actual disrespect?
Degradation play is one of the most misunderstood aspects of BDSM. This piece explores the difference between consensual humiliation and genuine disrespect, why communication and emotional safety matter so deeply in kink, and how trust shapes healthy power exchange dynamics.