Ask Gigi
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Welcome to Ask Gigi, a column where psychosexual therapist, Gigi
Engle, answers your most intimate questions and explores a range of
sexual health topics. .
Why BDSM can feel so emotionally intimate
BDSM can feel unexpectedly emotional, and there’s a reason for that. This piece explores how trust, communication, and the nervous system come together to create a sense of connection that goes deeper than many people anticipate.
Don’t like sex like you used to? Read this.
If your sex drive isn’t what it used to be, you’re not alone. This piece unpacks why desire shifts and how to work with your body, your relationship, and your real life to build a more sustainable, connected sex life.
How to ask for what you want in bed without it feeling awkward
Talking about sex can feel vulnerable, but asking for what you want is one of the healthiest skills you can build in intimacy. This piece explores how to communicate desire with warmth, clarity, and confidence so sex feels more connected, collaborative, and satisfying for everyone involved.
How to ask for the pleasure you want when the ‘giving’ starts to feel one-sided
Feeling generous in bed can be deeply pleasurable, but when giving starts to feel one-sided, resentment often follows. Many people struggle to ask for more because they fear awkwardness, rejection, or seeming needy. In this piece, we explore why reciprocity matters, how to talk about wanting to feel desired, and why asking for your own pleasure is not selfish but an essential part of intimacy.
Is it normal that my fantasies are different than what I want IRL sex?
What does it mean when your fantasies feel completely different from what you’d want in real life? For many people, this gap can feel confusing—but it’s far more common than you might think. Fantasy isn’t a blueprint; it’s a space where the mind explores feelings, dynamics, and possibilities without consequence. In this piece, we look at why fantasy and reality don’t always align, what your inner world might be expressing, and how to approach it with curiosity rather than judgment.
The rise of ‘Soft Kink’ and why not everything needs to be extreme
Soft kink is redefining what it means to explore desire—less about intensity, more about intention. It lives in the quiet power of anticipation, subtle control, and emotional presence. This is your invitation to slow down, tune in, and discover why softer doesn’t mean less—it often means deeper, more connected, and far more satisfying.
What is ‘outstroking’?
Outstroking flips the script on what we’ve been taught sex “should” look like. Instead of prioritising penetration, it centres external stimulation, pressure, and friction—aka the kind of touch many bodies actually respond to. The result? Less performance pressure, more pleasure, and a deeper sense of connection. This isn’t about adding a new move—it’s about rethinking the goal entirely. When you slow down and focus on sensation, sex stops being a checklist and starts being an experience.
What is the “Hotwife Paradox”
A new study challenges assumptions about hotwifing, finding many couples report stronger emotional bonds and improved sex lives. The real takeaway isn’t the dynamic itself, but the communication behind it. When couples are honest about desire, set clear boundaries, and work through jealousy, connection often deepens rather than breaks.
How to try fisting
Fisting is often misunderstood as extreme, but at its core, it’s an exercise in trust, communication, and intentional intimacy. This piece explores why people are curious about it, how to approach it safely, and what it can teach us about connection, consent, and slowing down in our sex lives.
Are you ready to start exploring kink?
Curious about kink but not sure what it means or where it comes from? In this article, psychosexual therapist Gigi Engle explores the psychology behind kink, the difference between kink, fetish, and paraphilia, and how sexual desires develop. From understanding curiosity versus readiness to the role of consent, communication, and cultural influence, this guide unpacks why unconventional desires are more common than many people think, and why exploring them ethically and without shame can be a healthy part of human sexuality.
Why some people get turned on by anatomically correct dirty talk
Human sexuality is endlessly creative, and the words we hear during sex can shape how arousal unfolds. While classic dirty talk works for many people, others find themselves more turned on by precise, anatomically correct language. It may sound nerdy at first, but there are real psychological reasons this kind of communication can feel exciting, playful, and even empowering. From novelty to reduced shame, the language we use during intimacy says a lot about how our brains—and bodies—experience pleasure.
What new 2026 data really says about how America is loving right now
The 2026 State of Intimacy Report reveals a quiet but powerful shift in how couples are connecting. Rather than chasing extremes or obsessing over frequency, partners are prioritising emotional closeness, shared presence, and mutual responsibility. Intimacy is becoming less about performance and more about partnership. From the impact of emotional labor to the role of intentional novelty, this year’s data suggests we are not having less intimacy, we are redefining what meaningful connection actually looks like.
The rise of the ‘Comet Partner’ in CNM
Comet partners are having a viral moment, but this relationship style is anything but new. Rooted in consensual non-monogamy, comet relationships revolve around deep, meaningful connections that ebb and flow over time. No daily grind, no escalator milestones, just intentional reunions charged with intimacy and anticipation. So how do they work, can they be serious, and who are they right for? Here’s everything you need to know about love that burns bright and moves on its own orbit.
Has Bridgerton made ‘soft men’ the new dating ideal?
The fantasy of the brooding bad boy is losing its grip. In its place, women are gravitating toward a new romantic ideal: the emotionally available man. The cultural obsession with Bridgerton’s Benedict. He’s attentive, expressive, and openly soft. This reflects a deeper psychological shift. Women aren’t craving drama; they’re craving safety, intention, and real connection. This isn’t about lowering standards. It’s about rewriting what passion looks like when emotional availability becomes the main attraction.
What is a Fart Fetish?
Sexuality is deeply psychological, and even the kinks that seem unusual on the surface often revolve around vulnerability, trust, and meaning rather than the act itself. A fart fetish, like many taboo-based interests, can link to themes of exposure, power dynamics, sensory wiring, or bonding through radical acceptance of the human body. When explored with clear consent, communication, and emotional care, it becomes less about shock value and more about intimacy, symbolism, and how our brains learn to connect arousal with emotional intensity.
8 tips for using vibrators more effectively
Learning how to use a vibrator isn’t about turning up the intensity, it’s about understanding your body. In this expert-led guide, sex educator Gigi Engle shares eight pleasure-first vibrator tips, from starting slower than you think to using lube, switching vibration patterns, and reducing orgasm pressure. Whether you’re new to vibrators or looking to improve sensation, these tips help make solo pleasure feel more connected, comfortable, and genuinely satisfying.
5 unexpected signs you’re a great kisser
Great kissing isn’t about technique alone. It’s about presence, emotional intelligence, and how you respond to your partner in the moment. From body awareness to pacing and desire, these unexpected signs reveal what actually makes someone a great kisser and why people want to come back for more.
5 signs you’re really good in bed
What does being good in bed really mean? Great sex isn’t about performance, it’s actually about curiosity, communication, and understanding desire. This expert guide explores how slowing down, navigating power dynamics, and prioritizing aftercare create deeper connection, better pleasure, and sex people actually want to repeat again and again, with confidence, intimacy.
Ready for better orgasms? Meet the Coital Alignment Technique
The Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) is a simple upgrade to the missionary position that increases clitoral stimulation and can make orgasms easier to achieve. Instead of traditional thrusting, CAT uses slow, intentional rocking to keep consistent pressure on the clitoris. As a sex therapist, I recommend CAT for couples who want better sex, deeper intimacy, and more reliable pleasure. It’s an anatomy-focused technique that helps partners feel more connected while boosting orgasm potential.
Are you ‘dry begging’ with your partner?
Ever find yourself dropping hints, sighing, or over-explaining, hoping someone magically understands your needs? That’s called dry begging and it’s exhausting. Rooted in socialization and fear of rejection, it keeps us anxious, resentful, and stuck in unhealthy patterns. The solution? Direct, clear communication. By naming what you want, practicing assertiveness, and embracing vulnerability, you reclaim your voice and strengthen your relationships. Stop hoping people read your mind and learn to ask with clarity, confidence, and self-respect.
