Why do some people close their eyes throughout sex?
Question: My partner closes their eyes during sex and it makes me so uncomfortable. What do I do?
Why some people might want to close their eyes during sex.
There are plenty of reasons why someone might close their eyes during sex. It could help them feel more connected to their body and it could ease anxiety. You might find that eye-contact with your partner makes you feel nervous or puts you inside your head, rather than your body. Closing your eyes may help you to focus.
There's also a possibility that this is a conditioned reaction that has developed from earlier experiences. You may have closed your eyes during your first sexual experiences and now do it automatically. There's nothing wrong with wanting to close your eyes during sex. We all have our preferred ways of enjoying intimacy.
Why this might make a partner feel uncomfortable.
It might make a partner uncomfortable because it could make them feel disconnected from you or insecure. Many people find eye contact during intimacy to build closeness, and when someone's eyes are closed, you may lose this.
It's OK to feel discomfort around it, but ask yourself why you feel this discomfort. What is coming up for you? What is this triggering in you? Exploring why something is making us have a negative reaction can help us take ownership of our own feelings -- and be able to articulate how we're feeling to our partner. Because it isn't that they are doing anything wrong, they are doing something that is impacting you and your emotions.
It’s OK if you do this, but there are work-arounds.
It's totally OK to close your eyes, but if it is making your partner feel uncomfortable, it would be wise to communicate in a healthy, empathetic way to find a solution. Usually, if you can explain to a partner why you prefer a certain thing during sex, you can make a lot more sense of it.
Talk it through and figure out a way you can both feel more comfortable. Maybe opening your eyes sometimes during sex could be a possibility, closing your eyes only when you need to focus on your pleasure or orgasm. Perhaps you could incorporate dirty talk -- this can be done with your eyes closed. It's really about getting creative.
XOXO GIGI
Part of this blog originally appeared as an interview with METRO.